My First Day

I'm back from my first day of school. It seemed a little long, or perhaps I was just anxious to get home. Once we actually started doing things it was better. I'm just used to getting up a lot to take care of the kids. The first part of the day I tried to hang in there and pay attention, but my mind kept wandering thinking of Carrie and stuff. After I had lunch it went alright from there.

I got along with the people well, during breaks I would talk to them. We learned about the history briefly of massage and then learned about chakras and the energy field around the body. The instructor claims she can sense or feel the field. And I really felt interest in that aspect since I have at times seen the chakra points, as well as feel the energy around people, and got tidbits of inspiration there as I was listening.

I ended up being the guinea pig for being on the table while the instructor demonstrated sheet folding techniques and how to lay Supine and Prone, where to put the bolster (pillow) and where not to tuck the sheets in the gludial divide ;)

At the end they briefly practiced sitting massage in which another student practiced on me and totally relaxed me, also made me feel better, although at some points she pressed a little hard but shes new so I didn't whine. Overall I enjoyed it there, the actual reading, lecture part gets dull but at least I remembered most of it, but we haven't got to the hard stuff yet.

Well I gotta go put some laundry away, I've been cleaning plenty but running behind on the putting it away, shame on me.

Todd

School Morning

Well I have been up since 6am getting ready and yet my hair still isn't perfect but the best I can do. I'm getting nervous but that's normal I suppose.

York Haven stinks, literally. Almost every day lately when I expect clean crisp autumn air I get nothing but this stink blowing in from some factory, wrote a poem about it, like to here it? Here it goes.

What is that foul smell
that blows in from the south
Reminiscent of ass
and someones meth mouth.

I arise from my sleep
to take in some fresh air
but instead of big breath
of old underwear.

No amount of old spice
will heal my nose glands
Now is that dead cat
or is it old ham?

I'll try to survive my
first day at school
even though just outside
it smells like a sespool.

Later
Todd

My Prayer

My Prayer

As I watched her walk away
with no hug goodbye
I fought back the hurt
as I wanted to cry

I've fought for her Lord
I've gone through so much
Do not I deserve just
her simplest touch

If you answer prayers
which I know that you do
Please give me the strength
To see this trial through

I long for that look
of light in her eyes
that truly was there
or was it disguise

Lord I don't know if I can go on
another long road alone
I'm scared and I'm sad
because my path isn't shown

I feel I have gone through enough
as I look up at the skies
wondering why I have lost
the love I most prize

I need reassurance
My heart needs some faith
My hand needs your guidance
To get past all this wraith

Please help me to find her
and bring her back home
for I know somewhere inside
I'm not really alone

I don't ask for much
and give thanks for all things
I just ask that you help take away
my broken heart's sting.

Todd

Back to School

Tomorrow I start my first day of massage therapy school. I'm anxious and nervous at the same time. This will be a totally new experience for me, as most of my life I have been shy. But this is what I felt led to do, and feel it will defintely help me open to people more, as well I've waited so long to help my wife with finances and I sure hope this opens a door to allow me to do that.

I have had my wisdom teeth out for a week now, I did end up getting dry socket, with the nerve exposed and man did that hurt, worse than the actual infected tooth. It's feeling a lot better now, and thank goodness that clove oil they shoved in there is gone.

Other than that I am stressed out. I don't want to get into it here in public forum but it couldn't have come at a worse time. I've been in the bathroom constantly, not fun. I feel each day like I am dying inside, just when there was a window of hope - and I was happier than I had been in a looong time. I don't know what to expect from day to day. I don't even know if this blog will be here if I don't somehow pay for the hosting within a week, but I'll still be around.

It just seems as soon as I break out of one bad situation, I fall into another. So is my life. But I'll try to keep my head up, either that or sink.

My uncle Scott has been here for two days painting Jacob's room, the bathroom, and next the hallway and getting new flooring in our living room and hall. Carrie and I are both looking forward to that. He does good work and deserves the money he is getting for it. I've probably opened up and talked with my uncle in the past two days more than I ever had, of course he does not want to hear about any personal issues but he understands in his own way. He's a good guy.

Well I wish I could leave on a happier note, just been so sad lately. Hopefully school keeps my mind off it, if anyone out there is still interested in me, send me a note to cheer me up.

Todd